Alone
I'm sick of having no, if few, friends to go out with on weekends. My 'girl-friends' either have an 'other', or is in another city, or in another state, has kids to tend to, or is pregnant. And as for guy-friends, basically the same thing other than the pregnant thing, of course. This is getting so fucking frustrating; I just want to run around and punch everything in sight, whirling around until I fall and pass out. I'm sick of it.
Believe it or not, I actually called my mom to see if she wanted to go out tonight for a few with me. She was busy watching movies and said no. I knew she would decline anyway and she acts older than her age (38). I even asked my aunt if she would like to and she said that she ''thinks she's getting to old for such a thing'' (she's only 49).
Here I am, 21 going on 50 here...feeling like there is no one to chill with. I dont' see myself as square. Maybe I'm just a destined loner? I should have accepted this by now but somedays I just fucking can't. I'll admit I want someone near sometimes. I'm saving money, but I'd like to go out for 2 or 3. That's all. To be around people. Last night I went to a truckstop restaurant by myself, to get out of the house, to be around people. The odd comfort of jumbled voices, muffles my own in my head for awhile.
I've put Ads on craigslist. I've dialed every number I could think of--only once, though, I don't want to be annoying--and still no luck. Whatever.
I confess, also, that it has been quite a long time since I've recieved a nice hug...not one of those stiff-as-a-board hugs from someone. I want a real one, thank you, that lasts more than 2 seconds with meaning to it. Maybe that is too much to ask. Thing is, I'll never ask for it. I just long for someone to do it first. Pathetic.
....
I miss my friend Dennis--who is across the country in WA in the Navy--a lot. It's mutual that we like each other but we're doing our own things so there is no pressure, which is nice. I just don't think anything will ever happen between us though. A half of me cares, and a half of me doesn't. I'm thinking about girls more lately, anyway.
ashish028 (2007-09-09)
sheesh..U too suffering from the same thing as I am...I too asked my friends for shopping(I jst LUV it) and they started making excuses...At that time I felt the need of some friend who would be with me alwayz...I guess at 21,we all face such problems especially like us,addicted to outings..
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