Profess....?

My friend just professed his feelings towards me.  I, myself, have no feelings towards anything at the moment.  That in itself is sad.  Anyway, point being:  What do you do when a close friend says this to you.  Belligerently drunk, says these things he'll most likely regret in the morning.  While I worry about him.  I have and made things ''lay low'' for a long, long time.

I believe everything he said though.

I think that is what bothered me the most.  No, Nicki, you're not supposed to feel.  You're just not.  But I felt his pain.  I'm greately disturbed and worried right now about my friend.  How can I be this person that he greatly admires?  What is it about me?  But that is besides the point.  I just hope he will be okay.  I'm sure he will.  I just don'tknow if I'll be too scared off.

 

I'm easily scared off if I'm approached to too strongly.
Maybe I'm the one that's messed up.

I have had ac ouple drinks in me.

 

But this outbreak of his really scares me.  Maybe I should'nt be friends with anyone if this is going to happen.  If I make people have breakdowns.  I care about him too much to cause him that pain.  What pain he vocalized.......it was haunting.

 

Truely haunting.

 

 

We'll see what happens.  I'm hoping he won't remember it.  He seemed so sick.

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Seriously and Pillows

So tomorrow I wake up at the ass crack of dawn to work .... at 5:45am.  Gotta love sticking people, sucking the life blood out of them for breakfast, eh?

Anyway, if one of the receptionists tomorrow, comes into the lab again complaining or bitching at me and my co-worker about something I'm going to lose it.

"seriously" is her favorite word:

"Seriously...put the slips ---"
"Seriously guys.."
"You have to do this...seriously...before someone gets confused"

 

Okay, just shut the hell up and do your own damn job.

 

On a different note, there is a full moon tonight and a lunar eclipse soon.  Too bad I'll probably miss it.  I went outside tonight to meditate and just chill in the moonlight and

     My butt gets wet
     A car alarm goes off
     A baby crying (..makes my ears burn)

But I did hear a cat, and I'm thinking it's the cat I've seen around a lot lately.  Once I was out of my half-trance, it stopped meow-ing.

 

 

Next time I'm sitting on a pillow.

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1/2 pints of rice

When I was in Madison 2-3 weeks ago visiting a friend, we decided to go out to the bars on State St.  As we're walking, there were three people ahead of us, and they came up on a homeless man.  He was about in his early 40s or so, begging for money; anything.  Before I could blink, the three people walking ahead of my friend and I gave the man 3 1/2 pint boxes of chinese food.

"Now that's real love!!.....See that?...Thank you, god bless you!.....Now that is pure love," he cries.

 

 

There were tears in my eyes.  I've always heard of people saying they would do such a thing but I never have seen it myself.  It was a humbling experience.

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Feelings

Something has been on my mind lately.  The subject of feelings.  Who "feels"?  I've been having thoughts that no one can feel.  That I'm kidding myself that I'm feeling...what is this sensation running through me.  Longing?  Cynicism?  Or is it all a joke.  I am lost in this concept, and I will never know since I cannot pry myself into someone's else's Self.

Do people have feelings or do they just have a certain motive/manipulation in mind?

I'm even talking about myself here.

I ''feel'' therefore I am?

 

 

This really sucks.

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