Smelly

Mmmm...my friend's cooking some brownies.  I haven't had brownies in a long time.

I'm hungry for dinner.  Craving something like spanish rice with black beans and corn and salsa.  Or a quesadilla.  Hm.  maybe I can convince him to come with me to taco bell or something.

I think I might be in the early stages of carpal tunnel in my wrist.  I had an appointment today anyway and I told her about it and she gave me a brace to wear.  I feel like an invalid, haha.  That's what I get for typing so fast.   I won't be surprised if kids nowadays will get carpal tunnel syndrome by the time they're out of highschool because they'll be learning how to type since kindergarten.

That's basically what happened to me except for the 'end of highschool' part.

Anyway, off to get food or something.  I will write something nifty and amusing soon.  Involves a story one of my coworkers told me today.

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Blank Page

Borat is on TV right now.  It's pretty funny.
"I like-a sex"  "It's niiice"  "Eat my tits!"

I sold a commission yesterday that one of my co-workers wanted me to do.  Conte' crayon on watercolor paper.  About 12x24in.  Woman standing on a scale with her back to you looking down and crossing her fingers.  My co-worker wanted to hang it in front of the scale in her bathroom.  Odd, but okay, hell, it's 25 bucks in my pocket.

---

I'm drawing a blank on what to write.  Usually things will come to my head and BAM, here it is.  Oh well.

Yeah, it's hot outside.

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Utterly

cost cutters (hair salon)
cost raisers (what it should be called because it's not any cheaper)
cost razors (play on words, accidentally said tonight)

I got my haircut at a different salon tonight.  I may post a picture sometime.  It's a pixie cut.  I had one last fall, but I was thinking of growing out, and lack of money, to cut it.  It's just too hot outside for longer hair (to me, at least).

---

Tonight while eating dinner at a restaurant with my aunt and uncle: 

Aunt wanted more oil with her chicken.
"would you like it now?" the waitress says
after waitress leaves...i say without even thinking,"no, i would like it later, up my ass"

THEN, my aunt wanted a doggie bag for her chicken to give to monty (their dog), asks the waitress for one.
"no, we dont" she says
"do you have a plastic bag?"
"yeah"

Wow. I felt bad at first for my previous comment but after that I didn't at all.  A doggie bag IS a fricken plastic bag.  Idiot.

---

Haven't heard anything knew about my friend who is in the hospital.  I'm thinking about her, though.  And currently everyone, practically, that I know is having a hard time with something right now whether it be their 'other' cheating on them, someone dying, the works.  Very depressing summer so far.

And I'll save that for the next post.

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Write

I'll try and write later tonight.  It's about time this needs an update.  I had a bad weekend, got ditched on by the girl (K), got wasted last night (accidentally) and blacked out, and came to, and yeah...

Enjoy the silence.
I am not write.

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Into Dust

Still falling
Breathless and on again
Inside today
Beside me today
Around broken in two
till you eyes shed
Into dust
Like two strangers
Turning into dust
till my hand shook with the way I fear

I could possibly be fading
Or have something more to gain
I could feel myself growing colder
I could feel myself under your fate
Under your fate

It was you breathless and tall
I could feel my eyes turning into dust
And two strangers turning into dust
Turning into dust

Mazzy Star - Into Dust

---

You know what? Even though I had a fairly good night, and a fairly good buzz from the drinks........I'm still reflecting on my past relationship with Chris (my ex who works at the door at one of the bars) and just in life in general.

And I am depressed.

And I'm not just saying this.  I know what depression is.  (This is subject for another blog.  What depression really is.  Instead of people saying, "Ohhh I"m sooo depressed".  Uh, no, you're Sad."  Type of thing).

Whatever.

Would I kill to be turned into dust.

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It's a bitch...

...not being able to sleep.  It's 3:31am and I went to bed at 10:30pm and it feels like I've been up this whole time.  I have to work at 5:45am.  Cool.

Anyway, yesterday was an exhausting day.  Work went fine.  I got to swim on my lunch break in my parent's pool, which felt nice because it's hotter than a hot person lately.  Went down to Froedert with my two old friends, I still get along with them, but holy man we're so different.  The two wouldn't stop blabbing the whole way down there about engagements, weddings, their boyfriends (which is fine for a bit but too much is too f-in' much), gossip about people from highschool we graduated with (I chimed in on that one), etc.  Even on the way back.  Okay, okay, maybe I was just cranky at the fact that our friend's family wouldn't let us see her in the SICU, even though the nurses said it was fine.  Like we drove down there for nothing..............No...I don't know.  I'll probably visit her again in the near future, better that she will be awake then.

So instead we went to Walgreens and got cards, and I even bought deoderant for my friend's fiance!

Okay, so then I had plans to see a movie with a girl, let's call her KR, and things didn't work out.  It was one of those things where:  you can stop by, wait no, oh okay now you can, oh wait no sorry, etc.  It was funny, but blah, I was disappointed because I wanted to see her. Instead of going to the movies, we were going to just rent one and be at her place.  Asked me what I was doing tomorrow, and I'm busy, but Friday I'll give her a ring.

I can't stop thinking about her....

Well I think I'm going to smoke a cigarette and try to get back to sleep.  I hate this.  I'm thinking it's a sinus pill I took earlier in the night that is keeping me wired.  Tomorrow's going to be a long day.

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Friend In ICU

http://www.fdlreporter.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/20070613/FON0101/706130401/1289/FONnews

This is my old friend from Jr. High and High School.  I found out about it yesterday and broke down into tears.  I was close to her at one time but we drifted apart because of different friends and ended up going to different Universities.  I'm going to visit her with 2 other of my old girlfriends from school today.  I am so worried.

Life is so fragile.

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Bi/Slightly Gay

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Practically Dreaming?

(http://fsgbr.org/images/art_therapy_2.jpg)

http://deseretnews.com/dn/print/1,1442,660223974,00.html

Check out this link.

This is why I want to go into Art Therapy.  I have a sense of helping people in some way during my life.  To have a job doing it or volunteering somehow.  I want to make a difference that way, to make someone feel as though they're not as alone as they think they may be.  To find some sort of comfort in escaping the realms of reality for a short while of drawing.

Or am I being too idealistic?

Besides the case, unfortunately I have a long ways to go to get my Master's in this degree (which the AATA requires).  By the end of next Fall I should get my Associate's.  Then plan on working my ass off to get my own place and then try to go back to school.  Why can't planning be easier?  Why can't I just tell someone who asks me, "How long are you going to be in school for yet?" or "What are you going to school for?" with something simple like nursing, or computers.

Hell, more and more I think I should just become a Med Tech or something of the sort since I'm a quarter there by being a Phlebotomist.

Point being:  Do I go for my dream or do I go for what is more practical and predictable?

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Clover Quest

I'm still searching for a four-leaf clover.  As a kid, I used to get down low to the ground, practically crawling in search of one.  But I was unsuccessful.  And I still am!  It's very frustrating since my old friend had about 3 or 4 of them.  Maybe I'm just not lucky--oh wait, I'm not.  Go figure.  Haha, but anyway, while I was at work today, having a smoke break outside the door, there were weeds and you guessed it, clovers.

 And of course I looked through each one.  No cigar. 

 Hopefully one day I will find one.  The quest is on.

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Flying Flamingo

Going to a local bar for 1/2 price Exotic drinks with a friend.  Tradition thing for Sunday's.

 More to come.

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